"Tell me doctor, with all of your defenses, are there any provisions for an attack by killer bees?"
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"Bernard always had a few prayers in the hall and some whiskey afterwards as he was rather pious."
"A wicked fellow is the most pious when he takes to it. He'll beat you all at piety."
"Pessimism is as American as apple pie. Frozen apple pie with a slice of processed cheese."
"A pessimist is one who builds dungeons in the air."
"In larger things we are convivial; what causes trouble is the trivial."
"Those who occupy their minds with small matters, generally become incapable of greatness."
"To enjoy a good reputation give publicly, and steal privately."
"The worst of charity is that the lives you are asked to preserve are not worth preserving."
"Those who give hoping to be rewarded with honor are not giving, they are bargaining."
"Philanthropic people lose all sense of humanity. It is their distinguishing characteristic."
"Boredom is the legitimate kingdom of the philanthropic."
"Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems."
"We are much beholden to Machiavel and others, that write what men do, and not what they ought to do."
"What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind."
"A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing."
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher."
"Real philosophy seeks rather to solve than to deny."
"One may summon his philosophy when they are beaten in battle, not till then."
"All philosophies, if you ride them home, are nonsense, but some are greater nonsense than others."
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