"Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."
The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."
The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.
His assassination plot had failed."
"a man and a woman who had never met before but were both married to other people found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1 a.m., the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet and get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! that's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "get your own fucking blanket."
After a moment of silence, he farted."