"In a recent survey, 86 percent of college fraternity members admitted that they’ve had at least five drinks in a row. The other 14 percent were out cold."
Submitted by Quonation
"The Olympics are being streamed online, so last night at 3 a.m. I tried to convince my wife I was on the computer watching archery."
"I looked in the bathroom mirror this morning and saw my Dad looking back at me. We should stop taking baths together."
"Fool me once, shame on my personal fool-stopper, Reginald."
"The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality."
"The price of Prozac went up 50 percent last year. When Prozac users were asked about it, they said, ‘Whatever.’"
"Scientists have discovered a Chinese herb that cures alcoholism in hamsters. They’re hoping that it will cut down on the number of accidents they have on that little wheel."
"Computer genius and billionaire Bill Gates’ wife is pregnant. Gates explained, ‘Don’t let the name Microsoft fool you."
"A new study reveals that guests on daytime talk shows are predominantly female. Of course, most of them weren’t born that way."
"It’s been reported that John Bobbitt’s porno movie grossed over 10 million. I’m not sure whether that’s dollars or people."
"That man who posed as a woman during a half year marriage was sentenced yesterday to a one-year jail term. Something tells me his days of acting like a woman are not quite over."
"83 percent of Britons say they forgive Princess Di for her infidelity. Apparently, the other 17 percent have never gotten a good look at Prince Charles."
"Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called '50 Shades of Just O.K.'"
"We can all help cure our dependence on foreign oil by becoming depressed and sleeping most of the day."
"It’s hard to believe that the greatest division in American politics these days is pro or anti-Chick-fil-A."
Category: Election 2012
"Mitt Romney is at the Olympics. Mitt said he loves watching people from other countries work for no money."
Find quonation on:
Copyright © 2013, Quonation