"The world record for enjoying jazz is 48 seconds."
Submitted by Quonation
"Every hurricane should be measured on a scale of 1 to 'Celine Dion is Recording a Tribute Song As We Speak'."
"I'd be more impressed with the Samsung Galaxy's ability to instantly transfer a playlist if everyone else's taste in music didn't suck."
"I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know."
"If we put aside our differences and work together, I truly believe we can come up with a few more alternate spellings of the name Britney."
"Rappers shouldn't have to file taxes because they itemize everything they own in songs."
"I've spent over 10,000 hours reading Malcolm Gladwell books. Which means I'm an expert at being insufferable at parties."
"I wonder if Obama will respond to Trump or if he's the fucking president of the united states who shouldn't have to deal with this shit."
"I worry that guys who hold elevator doors open to finish conversations are going to be late for their Worse Than Hitler award ceremonies."
"Making your Instagram private is like putting a Master Lock on a dumpster."
"Mitt Romney's campaign song should be the theme from Frasier."
Category: Election 2012
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