"In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one."
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"Historian -- an unsuccessful novelist."
"As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft."
"Alimony -- the ransom that the happy pay to the devil."
"A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank."
"On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women."
"A gentlemen is one who never strikes a woman without provocation."
"We must be willing to pay a price for freedom."
"No one hates his job so heartily as a farmer."
"A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know."
"Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable."
"It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man."
"The lunatic fringe wags the underdog."
"The cure for the evils of democracy is more democracy."
"Democracy is also a form of religion. It is the worship of jackals by jackasses."
"I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing."
"Don't overestimate the decency of the human race."
"The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom."
"The only cure for contempt is counter-contempt."
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