"Accident is the name of the greatest of all inventors."
Submitted by Quonation
"When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."
"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up."
"Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today."
"You cannot depend on your judgments when your imagination is out of focus."
"I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it."
"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made School Boards."
"A crank is someone with a new idea -- until it catches on."
"The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven."
"There is a great deal of human nature in people."
"If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance."
"There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce."
"Man is a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired."
"Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it."
"It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them."
"One may make their house a palace of sham, or they can make it a home, a refuge."
"Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in."
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
"A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time."
"To stop smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know; I've done it a thousand times."
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