"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing."
Submitted by Quonation
"Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven."
"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up."
"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."
"The secret of getting ahead is getting started."
"Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned."
"I never let schooling interfere with my education."
"Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run."
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
"I've never let my school interfere with my education."
"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."
"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."
"To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence."
"A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds."
"All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure."
"It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."
"Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks."
"It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech."
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
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