"Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits."
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"There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence."
"When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend."
"Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know."
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
"I find that principles have no real force except when one is well fed."
"Prosperity is the best protector of principle."
"Few sinners are saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon."
"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."
"You can't pray a lie."
"Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can."
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
"He liked to like people, therefore people liked him."
"In statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the moralities."
"The cross of the Legion of Honor has been conferred on me. However, few escape that distinction."
"A soiled baby, with a neglected nose, cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty."
"What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing, he knew nobody had said it before."
"If they had not landed there would be some reason for celebrating the fact."
"Pity is for living, envy is for dead."
"There is nothing sadder than a young pessimist."
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