"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."
Submitted by Quonation
"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."
"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."
"I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself."
"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."
"If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all."
"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."
"My wife and I were happy for twenty. Then we met!"
"I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people."
""Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'""
Submitted by kschafer58
""I was so poor growing up - if I wasn't a boy - I'd have had nothing to play with""
""When I was born the doctor took one look at my face .... turned me over and said. Look ... twins!""
"Kids, I love my kids. I have three of them. One of each."
"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
"My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
"The first time I had sex I was really scared, I was all alone."
"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Page: 1 2
Find quonation on:
Copyright © 2013, Quonation