"After I saw the movie (Twilight), I wouldn't talk to the guy I was dating for like five days. Finally he was like, 'Babe, what's wrong?' I was like, 'Oh, I dunno, I kind need to date someone who can FLY!'"
"If women ran Hollywood, the romantic comedies would be a lot more realistic, so there'd be a lot less disappointment when you left the theater. No more friggin models being cast as the lead of every movie. The lead of every movie if women ran Hollywood? Kathy freakin Bates, bitch."
"You don't realize until later until we're fighting with you about it, how we've justified it in our crazy ass brains, ya know? We're like, 'What? I was not going through your wallet okay? I was just cleaning it! You're welcome!'"
"You can not defeat a woman in an argument, right? It's never happened because women, we never express the emotions we're actually feeling, right? When we're most pissed off at you guys, whata we say? 'I'm fine!' I'm fine means I'm about to stab you in the neck."