Submitted by Quonation
"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."
"Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love."
"That was the most fun I've ever had without laughing."
"I finally had an orgasm and my doctor told me it was the wrong kind."
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work ... I want to achieve it through not dying."
"His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."
"I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers."
"If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right."
"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."
"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down."
"I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."
"I think being funny is not anyone's first choice."
"I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member."
"Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun."
"Eighty percent of success is showing up."
"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."
"Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing."
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