"Well married a person has wings, poorly married shackles."
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"Never marry a man who hates his mother, because he'll end up hating you."
"Who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor with the Lord."
"Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination."
"The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity."
"As a general thing, when the woman wears the pants in the family, she has a good right to them."
"When you get married you forget about kissing other women."
"Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash."
"Marriage, it seems, confines every man to his proper rank."
"I hate work. That's why I got married."
"One was never married, and that's his hell; another is, and that's his plague."
"I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up."
"Though women are angels, yet wedlock's the devil."
"All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage."
"The deep, deep peace of the double-bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise-lounge."
"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."
"There is a time for all things -- except marriage my dear."
"Marriage is an adventure, like going to war."
"There's nothing like a Catholic wedding to make you wish life had a fast forward button."
"Before marriage a man yearns for a woman. Afterward the y is silent."
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