"Marriage, it seems, confines every man to his proper rank."
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"I hate work. That's why I got married."
"One was never married, and that's his hell; another is, and that's his plague."
"I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up."
"Though women are angels, yet wedlock's the devil."
"All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage."
"The deep, deep peace of the double-bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise-lounge."
"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."
"There is a time for all things -- except marriage my dear."
"Marriage is an adventure, like going to war."
"There's nothing like a Catholic wedding to make you wish life had a fast forward button."
"Before marriage a man yearns for a woman. Afterward the y is silent."
"The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman."
"Grief walks upon the heels of pleasure; married in haste, we repent at leisure."
"The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married."
"Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest."
"That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked."
"I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again."
"My wife and I were happy for twenty. Then we met!"
"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age -- as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."
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