"My job is never work -- the only time it seems like work is when I'd rather be doing something else."
Submitted by Quonation
"Prithee don't screw your wit beyond the compass of good manners."
"In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before."
"His hilarity was like a scream from a crevasse."
"Sentimental irony is a dog that bays at the moon while pissing on graves."
"Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding."
"Irony is the form of paradox. Paradox is what is good and great at the same time."
"Irony is jesting behind hidden gravity."
"Irony is an insult conveyed in the form of a compliment."
"Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity."
"In America few people will trust you unless you are irreverent."
"True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god."
"National isolation breeds national neurosis."
"It isn't the oceans which cut us off from the world -- it's the American way of looking at things."
"We're all of us sentenced to solitary confinement inside our own skins, for life!"
"What kills me is that everybody thinks I like jazz."
"Jazz music is an intensified feeling of nonchalance."
"The disease of jealously is so malignant that is converts all it takes into its own nourishment."
"Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies."
"Who surpasses or subdues mankind, must look down on the hate of those below."
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