"Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade."
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"People who can't be witty exert themselves to be devout and affectionate."
"Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food."
"He who has provoked the shaft of wit, cannot complain that he smarts from it."
"In the midst of the fountain of wit there arises something bitter, which stings in the very flowers."
"Avoid witicisms at the expense of others."
"To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it."
"Wit is the epitaph of an emotion."
"Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words."
"Brevity is the body and soul of wit."
"True wit is nature to advantage dressed, what oft was thought, but never so well expressed."
"He's winding up the watch of his wit. By and by it will strike."
"Wit is more often a shield than a lance."
"Wit is the only wall between us and the dark."
"A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle."
"If ever two were one, then surely we. If ever man were loved by wife, then thee."
"Meek wifehood is no part of my profession; I am your friend, but never your possession."
"She'd have you spew up what you've drunk when you were out."
"If I was your wife Sir, I'd poison you! Madam, if you were my wife, I'd let you!"
"The true index of a man's character is the health of his wife."
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