“In a recent survey, 86 percent of college fraternity members admitted that they’ve had at least five drinks in a row. The other 14 percent were out cold.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
Vote Up
1
Vote Down
Favorite
“The Olympics are being streamed online, so last night at 3 a.m. I tried to convince my wife I was on the computer watching archery.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
Vote Up
1
Vote Down
Favorite
“I looked in the bathroom mirror this morning and saw my Dad looking back at me. We should stop taking baths together.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
Vote Up
1
Vote Down
Favorite
“Fool me once, shame on my personal fool-stopper, Reginald.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
Vote Up
0
Vote Down
Favorite
“The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Beauty
Vote Up
0
Vote Down
Favorite
“The price of Prozac went up 50 percent last year. When Prozac users were asked about it, they said, ‘Whatever.’”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
Vote Up
0
Vote Down
Favorite
“Scientists have discovered a Chinese herb that cures alcoholism in hamsters. They’re hoping that it will cut down on the number of accidents they have on that little wheel.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
Vote Up
0
Vote Down
Favorite
“Computer genius and billionaire Bill Gates’ wife is pregnant. Gates explained, ‘Don’t let the name Microsoft fool you.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
Vote Up
0
Vote Down
Favorite
“A new study reveals that guests on daytime talk shows are predominantly female. Of course, most of them weren’t born that way.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
Vote Up
0
Vote Down
Favorite
“It’s been reported that John Bobbitt’s porno movie grossed over 10 million. I’m not sure whether that’s dollars or people.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
Vote Up
0
Vote Down
Favorite
“That man who posed as a woman during a half year marriage was sentenced yesterday to a one-year jail term. Something tells me his days of acting like a woman are not quite over.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
Vote Up
0
Vote Down
Favorite
“83 percent of Britons say they forgive Princess Di for her infidelity. Apparently, the other 17 percent have never gotten a good look at Prince Charles.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
Vote Up
0
Vote Down
Favorite
“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.'”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
Vote Up
0
Vote Down
Favorite
“We can all help cure our dependence on foreign oil by becoming depressed and sleeping most of the day.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
Vote Up
0
Vote Down
Favorite
“It’s hard to believe that the greatest division in American politics these days is pro or anti-Chick-fil-A.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Election 2012
Vote Up
0
Vote Down
Favorite
“Mitt Romney is at the Olympics. Mitt said he loves watching people from other countries work for no money.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Election 2012
