“In a recent survey, 86 percent of college fraternity members admitted that they’ve had at least five drinks in a row. The other 14 percent were out cold.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“The Olympics are being streamed online, so last night at 3 a.m. I tried to convince my wife I was on the computer watching archery.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“I looked in the bathroom mirror this morning and saw my Dad looking back at me. We should stop taking baths together.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“Fool me once, shame on my personal fool-stopper, Reginald.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Beauty
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“The price of Prozac went up 50 percent last year. When Prozac users were asked about it, they said, ‘Whatever.’”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“Scientists have discovered a Chinese herb that cures alcoholism in hamsters. They’re hoping that it will cut down on the number of accidents they have on that little wheel.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“Computer genius and billionaire Bill Gates’ wife is pregnant. Gates explained, ‘Don’t let the name Microsoft fool you.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“A new study reveals that guests on daytime talk shows are predominantly female. Of course, most of them weren’t born that way.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“It’s been reported that John Bobbitt’s porno movie grossed over 10 million. I’m not sure whether that’s dollars or people.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“That man who posed as a woman during a half year marriage was sentenced yesterday to a one-year jail term. Something tells me his days of acting like a woman are not quite over.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“83 percent of Britons say they forgive Princess Di for her infidelity. Apparently, the other 17 percent have never gotten a good look at Prince Charles.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.'”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“We can all help cure our dependence on foreign oil by becoming depressed and sleeping most of the day.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“It’s hard to believe that the greatest division in American politics these days is pro or anti-Chick-fil-A.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Election 2012
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“Mitt Romney is at the Olympics. Mitt said he loves watching people from other countries work for no money.”
Conan O’Brien
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Election 2012