“I didn’t know he was taking me to the ghetto at first. I started looking out the window, see gun store, gun store, liquor store, gun store, where the fuck you taking me?”
Dave Chappelle
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“I think extreme sports are really good for relieving stress.”
Dave Chappelle
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Sports
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“A black man would never dream of talkin to the police high. That’s a waste of weed.”
Dave Chappelle
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“I didn’t always know it was a black thing. It took me a while to figure that out. I learned that shit in New York. I was in New York City. I was hanging out with a friend of mine, he was a white guy, we were just hangin out. We were lost in the city, ya know, we were smokin a joint. Now I don’t know if it was a coincidence that we were lost and high and shit, but my white buddy he was smokin a joint …’Dave! Dave! It’s the God damn Cops! I’m gonna ask em for directions.’ I said, ‘Chip, no! Chip, don’t do it!’ It was too late. He was walkin over there this man was high as shit. ‘Excuse me. Excuse me, sir.’ Touchin himm and shit. ‘Excuse meeee. Need some information.’ Started confessin shit. ‘I’m a little high…all I wanna know is which way is third street.’ The cop was like, ‘Hey! Take it easy!…You’re on third street. You betta be careful. Go ahead move it. MOVE it!’ That’s all that happened that’s the end of the story…”
Dave Chappelle
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“You’re a white lady, you ever been pulled over before? Whata they say to you, ‘Let me see your license and registration.’ Right? See. See I’m just guessin. That’s not what they say to us. You wouldn’t believe what the say to us. It’s like, ‘Spread your cheeks and lift your sack.’ What the Fuck? Excuse me? ‘You heard me, spread open your cheeks and lift your sack.’ I gotta driver’s license too.”
Dave Chappelle
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“New white people, you can’t scare these white people. I tried. Roll up on em, ‘Boo!’. ‘What the hell’s wrong with you? Those days are over.'”
Dave Chappelle
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“Game…blouses.”
Dave Chappelle
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!”
Dave Chappelle
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“Those white guys are the most dangerous motherfuckers in them groups. it’s true, man. there’s no telling what kind of crazy shit they’ve done to get them black dudes respect, but i’ll tell you they’ve done some wild shit.”
Dave Chappelle
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
