George Carlin Quote
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Atheism
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“Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority believe you.
Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Atheism
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George Carlin Quote
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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George Carlin Quote
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.”
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Political
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“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.”
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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George Carlin Quote
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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George Carlin Quote
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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George Carlin Quote
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Family
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“There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.”
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Present
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“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Evil
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“I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.”
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Religion
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“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Science
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“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”
George Carlin
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
