Stephen Colbert Quote
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Religion
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Stephen Colbert Quote
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Religion
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“I pass judgements like I pass kidney stones: it’s gonna hurt like hell, and you’ll be walking funny.”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by DavidMcL |Category: Comedy
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“Pepsi. You know their motto, ‘Live for now’. Which of course takes on a darker meaning if you insert a comma. ‘Live, for now’.”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It’s only the dogs who’ve accepted Christ.”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Religion
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“If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn’t help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we’ve got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don’t want to do it.”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Religion
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“Agnostics are just atheists without balls.”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Religion
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“So congratulations, North Carolina. Last night, you struck a decisive blow for loneliness. And tonight, as you go to sleep beside your heterosexual life mate, you an rest assured that all across your great state, a gay man or lesbian woman is crying themselves to sleep in solitude and making your relationship stronger with each tear.”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that. I found it so inspirational. Why not make myself cooler than I am?”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Inspirational
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“I’ve always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can’t judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“Now, I’ve never been a fan of amphibians. Not only do they strengthen the argument for evolution, they are nature’s fence sitters. Come on, amphibians. Which is it? Water or land? Pick one, we’re at war.”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Religion
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“If I want to say he didn’t that’s my right, and now, thanks to Wikipedia…it’s also a fact. (On George Washington owning slaves)”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“I have two last pieces of advice. First, being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for it. And lastly, the best career advice I can give you is to get your own TV show. It pays well, the hours are good, and you are famous. And eventually some very nice people will give you a doctorate in fine arts for doing jack squat.”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Political
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“Look, PETA! If God hadn’t wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn’t have made them so darn tasty!”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I’d be broke.”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have declared their independence from it.”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“Forgot to ask Father Reese: Could God make a government so big, even he couldn’t budget?”
Stephen Colbert
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
