“Guys, let me explain that to you, okay? Usually when we’re pissed off at you but don’t tell you why, it’s because we snooped through your shit.”
Whitney Cummings
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“After I saw the movie (Twilight), I wouldn’t talk to the guy I was dating for like five days. Finally he was like, ‘Babe, what’s wrong?’ I was like, ‘Oh, I dunno, I kind need to date someone who can FLY!'”
Whitney Cummings
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“Have you seen this movie Twilight? I went into this movie, I was like, ‘Oh, it’s a movie about high schoolers.’ I came out of it and was like, ‘Oh my god, I have to marry a vampire.'”
Whitney Cummings
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“If women ran Hollywood, the romantic comedies would be a lot more realistic, so there’d be a lot less disappointment when you left the theater. No more friggin models being cast as the lead of every movie. The lead of every movie if women ran Hollywood? Kathy freakin Bates, bitch.”
Whitney Cummings
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“You don’t realize until later until we’re fighting with you about it, how we’ve justified it in our crazy ass brains, ya know? We’re like, ‘What? I was not going through your wallet okay? I was just cleaning it! You’re welcome!'”
Whitney Cummings
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“You can not defeat a woman in an argument, right? It’s never happened because women, we never express the emotions we’re actually feeling, right? When we’re most pissed off at you guys, whata we say? ‘I’m fine!’ I’m fine means I’m about to stab you in the neck.”
Whitney Cummings
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“If sleeping with people worked, I would be doing it. Do you know an example of anyone who’s ever slept with a producer or whatever that has gotten them anywhere?”
Whitney Cummings
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“I don’t take things personally. I’m dead inside.”
Whitney Cummings
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
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“It’s fine if your underwear and bra don’t match. Not fine if I can deduce this fact by looking at you.”
Whitney Cummings
Submitted by Quonation |Category: Funny
